It’s been a (very) hot minute since I got to posting, and I’m now recalling drafting my last post in a Brooklyn coffee shop, on one of my final days spent in NYC. For one thing: I miss the city immensely! Truly more than I can convey; My last visit ended in the most serendipitous of ways, serving me another reminder of how ‘in the right place’ (literally, and figuratively) I was. Now, two months later (how is that even possible?) the city’s on my heart and mind more than ever, as this pandemic overwhelms the country, and NYC has claimed the daunting title as the epicenter. In short: sending love to everyone during this uncertain time – and especially to all of New York, as you have a special place in my heart. 🙂
While it’s been nearly two months since I’ve sat down and written a blog post, I think about writing one every single day. I have my fill of excuses I employ to talk myself out of doing so, but truthfully, on many (recent) days: I have simply not wanted to. The last couple of months have only strengthened this argument; things aren’t anywhere near normal, and I’ve needed to honor my mind and spirit’s longing to wander and explore, without the threat of immediately returning to a disciplined routine. So far, this year has proven itself to be one of a spiritual journey, and I’ve been taking advantage of this quarantine to delve into that concept.
Many themes have emerged (mentally) for me during this season, and while every day is a different story, a common one has been the benefit of releasing the pressure to find the lesson in every situation. I often view life as this game, with lessons to be learned at every turn – constantly working on advancing toward the next level, dedicating yourself to training and preparing for what may materialize around the next corner. Now, in large, this is still how I look at a great aspect of life, however that doesn’t subtract from the fact that that mindset gets really (*insert all curse words here*) exhausting.
Back in March, I let myself become beyond overwhelmed. There’s the constant self-inflicted pressure to be a certain way, then throw in: insane expectations (from others + yourself) regarding dating, pressure to always feel, look, smile, behave, and respond perfectly… because that’s your job(!), the people in your life not understanding or relating to the season you’re in. So. Many. Unmet. Timelines and goals. Then the shame you develop once you realize you’re letting it all get to you — again. I could go on, but: I seem to always find a way to formulate the perfect storm.
It manages to constantly be a long road getting here, but at some point I always come back to: I’m not doing that anymore. Not subscribing to the beliefs and expectations of others, even if I do care about them — that’s an unrelated fact. Choosing to disregard society’s projection of how I should be spending my time, how I should succumb to feeling like I’m unproductive if I don’t learn 3 new languages and memorize Tiger King by the time this all concludes. Blinders are a beautiful thing! The older I get, the more I realize the crucial role they play in progress. There are endless opinions, beliefs, systems, and ideas in this world, but at the end of the day, you only need to commit yourself to your own + be dedicated to continuing in that direction.
Thanks for letting me ramble! I hope you’re all spending this time at home however you see fit for your best and highest self. Consider this your reminder to stay committed to becoming the best version of yourself possible, but to always utilize grace 🙂
Stay safe, happy, and healthy!
