As this year draws to an (insanely quick) end, I’ve been finding myself reflecting back on the events of the past 365 days more and more with each passing day. This has undoubtedly been the best year of my life – which deceivingly enough, sounds like a simple and straight forward statement- when it is ironically layered and complex beyond explanation. But you know me: I’ll attempt rationale, anyway! 😉
The last few months of 2018 were a rapid accumulation of new dreams, ideas, and mindsets that (although painful at the time) were the perfect foundation for what was to come in 2019. I consider last October- December the most revolutionary season of that year, and the ultimate ribbon, fulfilling its duty of tying up a whirlwind of a year. It was during these months that I made major shifts in my thinking and priorities. After concluding that I could not physically, spiritually, mentally (and otherwise), move forward with creating a truly fulfilling life for myself while holding on to one relationship in particular; I knew it was time to evolve or die (not literally… but you get the point). That was the first notable time in my life that I believed I was worthy of whatever I want out of this life. I gave myself permission to pursue whatever made me feel joy, and stopped playing it small to appease others who had always worked so hard to make me feel minimized.New Year’s Eve was the best! As I’ve mentioned in previous years, I’ve become semi-superstitious, in that I believe the way you spend your NYE, strongly sets the tone for your year. (But don’t be quoting me on this.) On the last day of 2017, I drove down to La Jolla to spend time with my parents + family friends. Long story short: while lounging with my mom by the pool, I met a photographer who convinced me to give modeling a real shot. I’m sorry, but: what are the odds?! I really wonder where I’d be currently without that interaction. It’s not like meeting one photographer launched an entire career for me, but that was 100% what I needed at that point in my life. It (modeling) had been an idea I was toying with for a month or two prior, and now a stranger with zero insight into my thoughts or dreams, was speaking some life into them. On that note: 2018 was the year I began navigating the industry and modeling professionally, and I attribute so much of that to how I spent my New Year’s Eve.
Circling back to the last day of 2018, I had the best night with a newer friend of mine, Assi (whom I met at my then-agency, when I let her borrow my heels. LOL I always love the diverse and unconventional ways friendships are born). She is such a light! One of the greatest souls I’ve ever met – she seriously shines from the inside, out. I was instantly drawn to our friendship, because everything was (and is) so positive; we would discuss opportunities, brands we wanted to work with, creative ideas, our career goals, manifesting, vision boards, give each other work tips – the definition of supportive. Once again, exactly what I needed at for the season I was trekking through. We went to a house party in Bel Air, and: I’ve never drank more champagne (sorry mom). All night we were carrying around bottles of Veuve and Dom, discussing how we were manifesting abundance for 2019 — and, we were right!When I think back on this year, ‘abundance’ and ‘opportunity’ are the words that come to mind. God has provided every single step of the way, to the point of: I know I’m where He wants me, so I see no point in letting myself become overwhelmed by my wandering mind/ everything that often falls outside of my control. (I really try, anyway… Some moments are harder than others.) I’m ending 2019 feeling (cliches, here we come…) so grateful. Truly. I always find myself laughing at the ways in which my life has come full circle, and blogging has been such a major player in that. Even reading back on my NYE post from 2018 – I am such a different human/ in such different place – and I couldn’t be more proud! Reflecting back on what I’ve experienced has always been a crucial part of growth, for me. As a recovering perfectionist, someone who is admittedly hard on myself, and… highly particular: looking back is a powerful jolt back to reality. The reality of how far I have come (in every category of life — most of which can’t be seen, or sometimes shared).2020 is about to be crazy (like, crazy good)! And much like last year, I have felt that I am already laying the foundation for all that there is to see, experience, and accomplish in this new year – and decade! As much as I share my many thoughts and analyses, there are 100x more contemplations that I prioritize fostering, by keeping them to myself/ close to my chest until I feel the time is right… But, I’m believing 2020 will be abundant in the realm of newness and dreams.Upon writing this, I had to take a trip down memory lane at blog posts of NYE’s past… Linking them below!
I was lame and didn’t write one last year! But here are my thoughts on turning 24, 10 months ago
Love you, love you! Believing in amazing things for your 2020. And meanwhile, have a great Christmas!