Hi again! Can you believe it? Two blog posts this week, and it’s only Wednesday. My life lately has had an overall sense of calmness to it. But I wouldn’t mistake calmness for lack of activity. Even with my inability to make certain (important) decisions, days spent feeling the aftermath of only sleeping a few hours, spending way too much time driving, and the occasional anxiety, God has been teaching me some really awesome lessons. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing I’ve yet to share many details about my mental health journey on my blog (lame of me, after all these years). I think I struggle with the ‘correct’ approach, as I cringe at even the thought of potentially sounding preachy, or like I have all of the answers.
A quick rundown: I’ve dealt with anxiety + depression since I was probably 9 (the first time I remember feeling overwhelming/ consuming anxiety). I would say anxiety took the driver’s seat of my life until 2017 or 2018; before then, 99% of my decisions felt controlled by it, and like I had no other choice but to tag along. I’d love to share a more in-depth post on how my journey has been (let me know if you’d want to read!), but I don’t want to get (too) off topic today 😉 … Last year, I went through a strain of really difficult times, when I decided it was finally time to approach the topic of my anxiety differently. During this time, my mom ended up giving me this workbook, that has been such an instrument in bettering my life. (Are moms not the best?) It’s CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)-based, which is essentially all about changing thought patterns.
At that point, many elements of life were aligning for me; learning to challenge the way I’ve thought (about every topic) for many years, letting go of dead relationships, God handing me revised dreams I thought had come and gone, and seeing a completely new world because of it all. Since then, I genuinely feel like I see the world through new eyes. I’m not perfect, I don’t wish to be, and anxiety is very much still a part of my life- but it doesn’t get to dictate it anymore. All of this, to come full circle to my initial point….
From birth, we’re conditioned to imagine our dream life: the perfect mate to complete us; a career we painlessly fall into, and happen to love; loyal friends that never feel intimidated by our successes; a great body, because we’re so disciplined and energized – I could go on and on.
A quote I refer to on a weekly basis (from my favorite show – of course) has always helped me keep my life in perspective: “That’s the key to having it all: stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like.” Maybe you already have your dream life. Maybe it’s not your boyfriend, job, car, living situation, or body that need to change. Maybe it’s the lens in which you see them all through. I’ve begun to challenge myself on this when I find myself complaining or comparing; it’s always a case of ‘Kendra – x,y, and z are fine. You need to change the way you’re choosing to see it.’ So, the key to having it all? Chances are you already do. The only thing missing might be the mindset to match 🙂
Blogging is super cathartic for me, so THANK YOU for joining me and reading along 🙂 Happy Wednesday!