I think that in order for me to truly recap 2017, I have to go back another 365 days and pay my respects to 2016: The year I started blogging again / the hardest year of my life (thus far…) / the year I found myself without the guy I thought I would marry / the year I made so many amazing memories with my girlfriends / the year I felt like a version of myself I had been longing for. PHEW. I know we’re looking toward the future, here, so I won’t harp on too long about what’s behind, but I think that looking back at our lives and experiences can be a great tool at shaping our future decisions and goals.
I wrote this sappy post around this time last year, and I have a feeling this one will be even more so. I’m sure you’ve caught on by now at the fact that my 2016 was kind of a mess. It was also equally my favorite year I’ve spent on this planet. (How can this be?!) My biggest takeaway from that year was the phenomenon of experience. Being in such a vulnerable place, I had no choice but to feel everything that I was going through (both amazing & devastating). I entered 2017 with a new appreciation for unexpected life events, imperfect moments, and the unpredictability that is being a human on this planet. All of that led me here- to 2017!
If 2016 was a year of demolishing expectations, no longer relevant dreams, and toxic relationships, 2017 has been about rebuilding. *Funnily* enough, I’m actually only coming to this conclusion as I’m typing; but that’s what the last 365 days have been filled with. I think everyone has been there at some point, and in some capacity, has had to start from the ground up- relationships, career, dreams, finances, beliefs…
As I look back, one decision I made this year that has had a major impact on my life would have to be my decision to begin therapy. Dealing with anxiety and depression for over half my life has certainly had its affects on me, and as my life progresses, I’m learning the importance of taking care of myself- for myself. For me personally, my mind has been my biggest (daily) obstacle, and it can be incredibly taxing to remain in the conflicted confines of your own brain.
Before I left my very first session (I cried for 99% of it!), my therapist said “wow… you have a lot of layers” and reassured me that I was just as complicated as I’ve always been told I am- ha! I left with my mind in a million places, but excited to make a habit out of sharing my thoughts with someone uninvolved with my life. My second session was by far one of the worst. I think that anyone who has been to therapy can attest to the fact that it is the ultimate case of ‘it gets worse before it gets better,’ and I would consider the following few weeks my ‘pit’ of 2017.
I stopped seeing that therapist, but 100% plan on getting back into therapy in 2018. I think that it is one of those experiences that everyone should try at leas once. I honestly have such a different perspective of many things discussed, even from my short amount of time in it. That experience completely reshaped my year (for the better.. eventually) and helped me turn a lot of things in my life & mind around.
Since I shared a more honest and less glamorous segment of my year, I also wanted to reminisce on some more joyful moments!:
>>> My big sister got married, and I finally have a brother!
>>> I went to Puerto Rico with one of my fave girlfriends
>>> I started a new job – and got a promotion
>>> I spent (a little…) more time blogging 😉
>>> I went snowboarding in Washington as it snowed all day! (Magical)
>>> I attended my first tradeshow
>>> I had plenty of dramatic/ funny/ embarrasing dating stories to impart on my girlfriends (and to probably write a satire about someday.)
>>> I set new, clearer goals that make me want to get out of bed every morning
>>> I made new friends!!
>>> I feel more myself than I ever have
>>> I have genuine friends/ family who are happy & healthy 🙂
That was a lot… thanks for sticking with me! As I’ve always said I love, love fashion, but to me, there is so much more than that. The whole reason I started a blog in the first place was to keep things 100 (haha..), and I feel a strange (sometimes unwelcome) responsibility to be a bit more transparent; with friends and strangers alike. Life isn’t perfect, but I think it’s worth celebrating, photographing, and sharing anyway. Here’s to more vulnerability (and fashion!!) in the New Year.
Love you all – hoping 2018 brings the absolute best for you!